God's Plan, Not Mine

On Monday, 3/17/08, My wife and I went to see our Doctor. We had some concerns based on some things that were happening. At the ultrasound, we saw the baby, but there was no heartbeat. At 10 weeks, the pregnancy was over.

On the outside, I was certain that we just needed to adjust the "probe" so that we could see it. On the inside, I was as clear as the doctor. His face told the whole story...and the "Tech" confirmed it. I'll never forget the look on my wife's face. She wanted this baby as much as I did.... even more. We were both so excited. Now there was no baby. I was helpless and knew there was nothing I could do to fix this or make her sadness go away.

I have experienced things, this week, that I could never have imagined. I thought today about war veterans and their experiences of loss in battle. A shot to the heart, so to speak. I fell in love with this baby, even if just for a few weeks. I do not understand God's plan, but I know that he has one for me and my wife. I will go on, in faith, that this is part of something that is much bigger than me.

I've learned some really big things this week....about babies, pregnancy, marriage, women's bodies, and my wife. I have grown even more proud of her than ever. She is so brave, even when things are so scary and sad. I feel so close to her. I love her more than I could ever describe. I pray to God that we will find strength in this. Maybe this baby's purpose was to bring us closer together before we have a child. Maybe this baby will be waiting for us in heaven.